Tuesday, April 4, 2017

flit like a butterfly

While my job is exasperating and ridiculous, I don't hate it right now.  I've adjusted it to me in many ways.  I sometimes know how to tell people "no" in a way that they feel like winners.  I dance around the myriad personalities and opinions to just sneak in what needs to be done.  Like, I was asked to get something signed.  OK, but I had to get FOUR layers of approval first and these are busy people.  Through a series of emails and phone calls, I got it done in record time.  And then the person who should have but hadn't signed it for the past ten years said: well, that was easy.  Easy? No.  STrategically accomplished with minimum drama?  Yes. 

You'd think after over two years that I'd figure things out, but the rules and leadership are constantly changing.  What the previous person always wanted done the new person is opposed to, etc.  It's a constant dance.  The funniest is when the new person says: I want this. And I say well, this other person who approves it won't accept it like that, so let's word it this way.  And he usually now says: that's a great idea. 

He has stopped looping me in on every damn thing which is good and bad - bad if I can't intervene before things become a problem, but good because he doesn't get on my nerves as much.  And he told somebody outside our organization that I do a very good job but that they want to hire my boss instead of promoting me because they want that other person to do something else.  That is something that I can do but I don't want to, so this is fabulous.  NOt as fabulous is that something else is not something we need to do, and actually we need that person to do other things which now apparently will still be on me, but basically: I still won't have to wear a suit.  I may sound ridiculous but I do not like wearing a suit.  At the jobs I've had where I've had to wear suits, I've been constantly aggravated and uncomfortable. 

People say: dress like the job you want to have, and so I dress slovenly.  I dress as poorly as I can get away with.  It's more comfortable, more frugal, and less threatening.  People: I don't ever want to wear heels again.  They're THE WORST.  I prefer cowboy boots and jeans though I'm only allowed that one day per week. 

I had a long conversation with my advisor recently and we found our common ground: we both lack ambition.  We fall into roles with responsibility if things need to be done, but we have no desire to be in charge or upwardly mobile or any of that.  I just want to work my 40 hours per week and then have my life.  I don't want these people bothering me outside that time because I'll be too busy moving chicken manure and growing far more food than I know what to do with. I don't want a PhD because I want to be prestigious - I want it because I'm curious and like to finish things I start.  But I'd rather be cutting pressure-treated 2x4s to frame the chicken coop that I will figure out how to convert to a tractor.  And I want a portable table saw because I'm a menace with my current set-up. I want to grow things in dirt and see what works and what doesn't.  I want to walk and train my dog so she's less of a jackass.  I don't want stress at work, I don't want the drama that comes of being in charge.  

I just want a drama-free life. 

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