Saturday, August 12, 2017

sometimes I get ideas

For the past couple of weeks, a woman I know has been in the African country where I have lived longest. We had met there, I had helped with some research access, and we've stayed in touch mostly through Facebook.  She went back for a research visit and kept a blog, and it has made me veritably ache to be there.

It's made me miss my friend/lover/driver.  We were so close and I have so many happy memories of our times together.  We liked to adventure and we did crazy and quotidien things together.  I have photos and videos of some times, but the memories would be so strong even without.  I am so grateful for all the times we had together because we lived our love fully.

But the missing goes even beyond him.  I miss the palm trees and the fresh coconuts and the music everywhere and the bright clothes and strangers telling me I'm beautiful in an African way and the potato greens national dish and the laughter.  So much laughter.

I reconnected with a friend there.  She is from there and closely related to a horrible dictator (first cousins, I think) and married a European and they moved back around the time that I went there, and they do life between Europe and Africa so well.  She has never forgotten who she is and she builds upon it.  They have a beautiful house that is tasteful and classy - not garish, not wasteful.  She says they miss me, that I should return.  And I would like to someday.

Somebody that I met there at her house one day has become a friend.  We socialized some while I was there and we have stayed connected on Facebook.  He is really a remarkable person.  He is direct descendant of the man who governed the country for decades, and there is something to be said for the way members of political families know how to interact with people.  I watch this here, and it's the same there.  There is a way that politicians and leaders have of remembering small details of thousands of people, of reaching out and having that be soul nourishing.  B. is like that - I don't think that he has political aspirations, but with his name comes certain expectations that he rises to.  He is remarkable in his way of interacting with people.  I am the opposite - I find interaction to be draining and difficult, so I find it interesting when people enjoy it and do it well.  He has literally thousands of close friends across the world, and he's not superficial about it - they are genuinely meaningful connections.  He cares very deeply about people.  And dogs.

He also has lupus and has struggled with it for years, sometimes threatening his life.  And now he has colon cancer.  He told me last year - he reached out to me when my friend/lover/driver died and I was sad - and he was very open and scared, and I didn't know what to say or do.  He is in a neighboring country, where there is some better medical treatment but not world-class.  He does not have health insurance and he is struggling financially with the cost of treatment.  His family does not really have all the millions that they say his grandfather looted from the nation's treasury.  But people expect them to.

Now I have an idea.

HE has been missing on Facebook for some time and so I've reached out to see how he is.  I hope that he's just busy and not turning more seriously ill.

But what if I offered to marry him to get him health insurance through my job.  I can avoid accumulating his debt through pre-marital contract, and my work subsidizes spouse health insurance significantly.  He could get good quality healthcare that perhaps could save his life.  I think he has American citizenship or a permanent green card, so wouldn't have to deal with that immigration mess.  Ziggy would adore him and be a loyal caretaker.

What would I get?  Well, besides helping a good person, I would get permanent entree into a culture and society that feels like home to me.  His family would have to welcome and accept me (to a limited extent that would suit me fine); and when I retire there to start an orphanage and school, they would have to support me.  Not just financially, but to lease me land and get me necessary connections, to grease palms to make things happen without me having to get my hands dirty.

I think he's gay, though I'm not sure.  I'm not romantically attracted to him at all nor he to me, so that would not be confusing.

Obviously this is completely insane and I'll snap out of it, but the idea came to me.

I hope he's ok.  That's most important. 

Oh, he responded - he is very touched that I thought of him, he's moved to another AFrican country, we are chatting.  I haven't proposed, and it sounds like he's good where he is.  But maybe this comes up. 

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